Continue the talk

Words by Liam Stretch. Images taken by Java Katzur and Fran Scrimgeour.

Trigger warning; this article contains mentions of mental health and suicide. 

With November almost at its end, you’re likely up-to-speed with the events of the last few weeks. No, I’m not referring to the United States Presidential election nor the new season of The Crown, I’m talking about the annual event when a certain subsect of society grows questionable facial hair for the penultimate month of the year – Movember.

The main intention of the Movember campaign is to target men’s health, and current crises we are facing in Aotearoa – and aiming to remedy this by encouraging men to talk about their physical and mental well-being, all the while raising money for essential services. There are three critical areas of focus: mental health and suicide prevention, prostate cancer, and testicular cancer.

The website states, “Our fathers, partners, brothers and friends are facing a health crisis, yet it’s rarely talked about. Men are dying too young. We can’t afford to stay silent”. 

This statement is so true, and it is a situation primarily developed because of the old New Zealand male identity of ‘she’ll be right’. I recall the many times I was in a situation with my friends and their fathers or another older male, and they said this classic zinger: “have a cup of concrete and harden the fuck up”. I often didn’t know how to respond to this as it was not a statement my father would ever say, as he is not a man who subscribes to that way of thinking. Even though this was usually in response to a scraped knee, or not getting to play with the toy I wanted, it set a precedent for any show of emotion being a step a ‘man’ shouldn’t take. I have seen many of my peers deeply impacted by this standard of expression.

I went to an all-boys high school, so naturally, I had a large number of male friends, and the thing I saw time and time again was a developed inability to discuss feelings or health woes unless intoxicated. This is the very thing Movember has aimed to change, and though it is great to see this sort of action being shared on social media, I still have a feeling it doesn’t go far enough.

We know how quickly things can get lost in the abyss of social media, and this is no different – a couple of posts about the issue is not necessarily building a conversation. I implore you to reach out to your mates and think more in-depth about what mental health means – it can be as simple as the way you interact with peers. Do not bully your friend for going bald, do not pick on the gay kid; build you friend up who has boring work stories, is going through a breakup, or seems quiet.

As far as physical health concerns go; look, most men have penises and testicles, so your experiences shouldn’t vary too much. It is not gay to talk about this area at all. Also, if this makes you feel like you’re ‘acting gay’, reassess how you are viewing the LGBTQ+ community, yourself. Talk about that weird lump on your testicle or the discomfort you’re experiencing in your prostate; it may just save you or your friend’s life. 

So, yes, do grow a mo for the month, raise some much-needed funds for vital organisations, and do get the talk flowing, but do not end this chat after you’ve done the tokenistic minimum – keep it going for 365 days a year. It may be challenging to broach the above subjects with your mates, but know, in the grand scheme of things, you matter, and if your friends matter to you too, then sit down over a coffee rather than a box and get to know them, properly.  

If you’re feeling vulnerable at present, or know someone who is, we are lucky to have many people working really hard in Aotearoa and really good services available:

1737.org.nz – a free text and call service, offering support if you’re in need of a chat.

mentalhealth.org.nz – Mental Health Foundation. This website has direct contact lines for regional crisis centres and other specialised support services.

clearhead.org.nz – an app and website that develops personalised mental health support

alcoholdrughelp.org.nz – services to support those – or those you know – who are struggling with problems related to alcohol and drugs.

changingminds.org.nz – a not for profit run by those who have personal experience with recovery from mental health.

healthnavigator.org.nz/healthy-living/m/mens-health/ - specific tips and conversations about men’s health issues.

nz.movember.com – The official Movember website. It has a plethora of resources and accounts and information on how to get involved.