Ellesse Andrews on stepping out of her athlete self and into her human self

Words by Rosa-Lee O'Reilly. Images provided.

Being a successful female athlete is a nuanced phenomenon. Since when have women been this strong, powerful and winning multiple gold medals? A female athlete in today's age breaks boundaries, challenges history, and asks many questions. Sometimes, uncomfortable questions. 

In conversation with Ellesse Andrews, the Women's Keiren World Champion, between post-Paris Olympic press interviews and carrying home two gold medals for New Zealand, we sat down, made some tea together, and unpacked the deeper side of things (as women do). 

We celebrated the small and big wins, discussed the psychology behind the person and the athlete, what it's like navigating athleticism inside a female body, and how she balances her athlete self versus her human self. While Ellesse has literally changed history, we spoke of how much she has changed in becoming who she is as both an athlete and an expansive individual. 

R: I remember seeing somewhere that the most annoying question to be asked by an interviewer after winning an award or a medal was: "So, how does it feel?" So, I'll avoid asking that. 

E: Oh my god, that is SO true.

R: I mean, you are experiencing one of the most surreal experiences that not many people will ever experience. You are probably like: "I don't know what I feel right now." Also, being an athlete at the Olympics, you're not just there for yourself; you're there for your entire country. The whole world is clapping you on. And so, it is this shared elation. I don't know what it is, but even as a spectator, it is incredibly emotional. It is almost this spiritual thing that happens. 

E: You are overwhelmed by this elevation and extremely exhausted. In Paris, I was racing 6/7 days. So, the feeling of completing that week was profound. 

R: As an audience, obliviously, we see these big moments and the wins at the end. But so much goes on before a race and before the Olympics. It's months and years of preparation and training. During all of that leadup, what were the wins you experienced? Because it's not all about this final frontier, there are little micro-wins between them.

E: I was actually in a couple of my team debrief days recently, and one of the activities that took hours was a month-by-month recap of the last three years and the significant events, the highs, the lows, and everything that has happened in our team in the previous three years. And so, looking at this year alone, for me, it's been insane. I returned from Christmas break in January and went straight to Australia for a World Cup, which is where I ultimately ended up crashing, breaking my collar bone and getting a concussion. That took me out of training for at least two months. Getting over that concussion, I couldn't do much at all. I just needed to focus on healing myself. So, besides Paris, one of the wins from 2024 was recovering from that injury to a place where I felt like a normal human again. 

R: Watching you race is so incredible. You look SO powerful. Some could say you look like a "machine." But obviously, you are so much more than that; you are not just a machine. I want to talk about being a female athlete and if you have ever struggled to navigate athleticism inside a female body. As an athlete, you generally push your body to such extremes, and there is such pressure to perform. Still, I think the female body has limits, and often where it screams "STOP", "STOP," and "SLOW DOWN," but with the nature of your career, you are like: "I have a race coming up; I actually cannot stop."

E: I can think of a few examples. The first one is that being a female athlete now in a power sport means that the muscle mass we must put on is massive. One of our sport's major things is being a strong, powerful, muscly woman. Changing from endurance to sprint, I gained a lot of weight extremely fast because I suddenly started lifting heavy weights in the gym and taking supplements, protein, and everything that comes with being a power athlete. I gained muscle, along with fat, really fast. And so, seeing that change was pretty crazy as an eighteen/nineteen-year-old athlete at the time. I went from this place where I was already a muscular endurance athlete naturally and then just gaining–seeing the scales go up and up and gaining muscle like crazy. Looking back on it now, that was my body saying thank you, in a way, for putting it into a sport where it could thrive. The second one is when I need to train, and I want to train, but I can't because my body is so exhausted. The difference with me now is that my coaches know me and the other athletes we all work with so well that we have an individualised training approach. So even when my body says "no" or what we call "a hole", we adapt the training. That's the real beauty of our team.  

R: It is beautiful that you have a team of female athletes. You all know what it is like to exist in this female body. To know we have limitations. 

E: 100%. We have those limits, and we can definitely find them. That's our job. Our job is to push our limits. And then you rest, and you do it all again. There is much more to it regarding training and periodisation. But as sprint athletes, we are going 100% all the time. When we are on, we are on. That is also another reason why it is so hard to fully feel the effect and intensity of what I am doing. Like in Paris, during that race week, it felt like I was in a daze because I would race, go home, rest, get up the next day and go again. There wasn't that time and space to celebrate myself in the moment. Until the very last day. Returning to my hotel room and seeing these medals sitting there was insane. I felt like I was living in this alternate reality where all these events happened. It's taken a really long time to step out of all that craziness and have the space to reflect and be alone and think about what my body and I, as an individual and the girls as a team, did and the enormity of it.

R: You were probably trying to step back into your own body and try not to dissociate. Your body has just allowed you to do so much. But you must also celebrate everything your body does for you outside of sport.

E: 100%. That has just unlocked a little memory for me. I remember being in a race, before or after, and sitting there with my hands on my thighs, thanking my legs. I was thanking my body–I can't quite remember if it was for what it was about to endure (because it was going to be massive) or if it was a post thing–but I just remember thanking my body. 

R: It is important to take stock of what your body does for you and what you do for your body. It is a process of giving and receiving. It is pretty profound what our bodies are capable of. Your body, in particular, is this strong, physical thing that can win you gold medals, but it is also this beautiful thing that allows you to experience love and life. People might forget that you are a human with capacities and have a life outside of athleticism. And how that life nourishes you so much. How do you step out of your athlete body and into your living, human body? Or do you find it challenging to separate the two? 

E: I can definitely find the separation. However, when I am in my athlete body, I am in that athlete mindset so deeply and so intensely, which I was at the games; it's hard to step out of that. And so, I can differentiate, but it's sometimes hard to move into the other when I am so embedded in one. So, that was a big focus when I got home. Doing just that. I enjoy riding my mountain bike, which is still an athletic sport, but it's an avenue to get outside and explore wherever I am. It allows me to appreciate being here as a human being, and that pulls me out of the athlete intensity into my personal body. Doing something that makes me me and makes me happy. Walking outside in nature allows me the present awareness to appreciate where we are. How lucky we are to be in New Zealand. I have a good family friend here in Wānaka and Christchurch who is really into yoga and meditation, and she also does what is called Mama Therapy. So, when I was in Christchurch, I threw myself into that to pull myself out of that deep, intense athlete state and back into my human body. 

R: On that note. Do you ever feel dehumanised?  

E: Oh yeah. I sometimes joke about this. My family were all planning to watch me in Paris, and I'd say: "I feel like I am just this circus performer putting on this performance, and you guys are all buying tickets to come and watch." And I do mean that in a jokey way. But it is true.

R: You are like a show pony.

E: Exactly. It's really interesting. There is a series I compete in called Champions League, with a whole app where people can see the competitors. I feel like I am a character. That is what we are doing. And it's not necessarily a bad thing. But it is really interesting to look at it from that way. And it's so crazy because I am just out there doing my thing, but is it also for other people's entertainment? Which is so wild because we are pushing our bodies to get here…and people can just come and watch? What a crazy time in my life.

R: Consider how some men (and women) bet on what your body can output. You are being commodified in a way. That is why being an athlete is such an interesting concept because other people are profiting off your body's performance. Which is so wild!

E: It is. It really is. When you peel it back and look at it from that perspective. But then, quite often, we are not thinking about that as athletes. We are thinking about our dreams and why we are here–which I think is the most important thing. What pushes my buttons? Why am I doing this?

R: Exactly.

E: As long as that stays pure and true to my real, deep intention, then I'll be here, doing this.

R: I can tell that you know yourself. 

E: I have a clear direction. Being a sportsperson isn't just for the sport, for me. It's all about what I am learning about myself at this time. I am putting myself in some crazy positions, and as a result, I feel like I know myself so well and I feel like I am really growing. I think that is so special because results and career aside that will stick with me forever. Inside here [points to chest] is who I am. This is my avenue for learning that. Everyone has a different avenue.

R: That is amazing. I know you nourish so many facets of your life and have many different interests–including music. I wanted to know how you intertwine music and sport and whether they coincide with or support each other.

E: Music has been my whole life. Mum would sing to me before I could talk. I have always loved it and the community it held for me outside of sports. I loved my friends in my music class and jazz band, me and my friends would just sing and play. As well as choir. Singing with a group of people just makes me so happy. One of the most amazing things is singing with a group of people–I think it's so beautiful and therapeutic, in a way? Like wow, we are all making magic together.

R: Sport and music are quite alike in that they have a performance element. However, in music, there is a level of freedom and playfulness. With sport, it's very rigid in a sense. Whereas music has this fluidity and limitless freedom, really. 

E: Yes, I think it is the perfect balance for someone like me. To have love of both and to nourish the love of both. The other day, I picked up Mum's flute and played just a few notes, but I thought, "This is so fun!" You can do that. You can just pick something up. 

R: Right, getting rid of those limiting beliefs. You don't have to be good at something to start something. Once again, it's going back to those small things we often forget. Speaking of, what are the small wins you are celebrating today? 

E: Today, I have no crazy plans. I am celebrating having absolutely nothing on. I just want to go to the supermarket and make some bone broth. I call that a win.