Girls supporting girls
Words by Katie Harris. Image by Java Katzur.
It was your regular Saturday night. Breathers were running amuck, girls were crying, and somebody was already on the garage roof. It was a big one. The Saturday after-noon picnic wasn’t really a picnic, well, unless you count vodka and tequila as a food group. It’s potato, right? I’m not a big drinker, but after a day out surfing and a slow drip of afternoon liquor, I had little more than a buzz on. Somewhere, between my quarter bottle of vodka and a lack of dinner, the alcohol really took effect and the bathroom seemed like the best place to be. So, off I went. After banging on the door for a solid song-and-a-half, I had re- signed myself to the floor when finally, the door opened and out stepped an acquaintance from first year.
We don’t hang out, let alone chat, but in the dimly lit corridor she insisted on accompanying me to the toilet. Girl to girl, facing each other, I nudged my way into the bathroom. It was intimate. I mean, I wasn’t against it, but the mere half foot between us was a real dampener on my party mood. Besides, what if I got stage fright? My outfit was relatively practical, a mid-calf dress, boots and a belt. But underneath I had on something a little sexier. A blue lace bodysuit. It was hot. However, like most girls will know, going toilet with a bodysuit on presents a challenge, heck even putting it on is a challenge.
I lost the dress and began navigating the removal of the bodysuit when she blurted “Is that a bodysuit? God you’re extra.” Okay.
In my sorry state I couldn’t articulate how pissed off I was. I mean firstly, it was cute. Secondly, it matched my blue dress, and thirdly, I can wear whatever I jolly-well please. In reality, I said nothing. Cowering in naked embarrassment, I sat on the loo listening to the trickle of pee. That night, I tried to put myself to bed. But I couldn’t sleep, which isn’t surprising (cheers insomnia).
Tossing and turning all night my anger slowly stewed into disappointment. I mean, dissing my underwear was one thing, but this assault on my confidence somehow felt more than skin-deep. Laying in an insomniatic rage, I kept going over the night’s events and I came to the conclusion that this was not girls supporting girls. Being a woman is tough. Alongside dealing with an intoxication of demeaning advertising, we also have to fight against the patriarchy, have a career and look good while doing it. In all of this kerfuffle, why are we not supporting each other?
At the age of 22, I am definitely guilty of dogging the girls. You know the chat, your friend’s ex is dating a new girl and, to reassure your friend, naturally you state that she is much better looking, smarter and can probably Lime way faster than her. But is this really productive? Decades of social coding has programmed women to feel the need to fight for our place. Whether it be in the workplace, classroom or even for male attention. Somewhere between potty-training and binge drinking we lost the girl code, the intrinsic set of rules that used to bind us. We now live in a world where your value is often derived from the size on the label and the flesh on your face. But the time for fighting is over.
If minimizing your girl-hate seems too complicated, I have compiled a list of ways in which we, as women, can support each other.
How to support girls:
Girls on the town: Okay, let’s go back to the bar last weekend and the girl you saw crying in the bathroom (hope- fully not me!). The next time you find yourself in a situation where you are with someone who looks uncomfortable or distressed in anyway, look after them. Order an uber, call a friend or tell the bouncer. Being a girl who supports girls sometimes means you might have to forgo the rest of your two-day bender to take one of your girls home. But sometimes you’ve got to take one for the team.
Support in the workplace: This brings us to women in the workplace. You could stand there all day slamming a heel against that darn glass ceiling and it still won’t break. But by coming together we can make a change. There’s no need to compete when we aren’t running the same race.
We are more than how white our teeth are or how small our waist is: We can’t all be subsisting off skinny tea and vegan protein powder. Despite the barrage of content confirming that yes - you can lose 10kg in five days! Just by eating spinach and green matcha, vegan, paleo detox milk! Or the latest ground-breaking appetite-suppressing lollipop. Trust me honey, some things do taste as good as skinny feels but it sure as hell isn’t an appetite suppressing lollipop. We actually don’t have to be skinny, or good looking for that matter. It’s now more import- ant than ever to remind women that they do not owe it to anyone to look a certain way.
Emphasising other beneficial qualities that women possess such as their passion, dedication or leadership is a much better use of web space. The success of others does not mean that you are not successful. You are not a walkover for lifting up other girls. It makes you, and everyone, stronger.