Words by Alex Hallifax and Java Katzur. Edited by Liam Stretch.

Images provided by Lily McManus.

We spoke to one heck of a lady, Lily McManus, who you may recognise from The Bachelorette New Zealand. We delve into the realities of reality TV, finding love, her boyfriend Richie, and her journey with hearing loss.

Lily used to be a snowboard instructor who spent her time chasing winters around the world. When one day she got a call from a New Zealand number, surprised to find out that she'd made it to the final audition process for The Bachelor New Zealand! "I told her she must have the wrong number, but she assured me that she had my audition paperwork. I called my mum, assuming she'd be the brew behind this stitch-up. 'I honestly didn't think you'd get in' was her reasoning, so I called back and said, I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."

It became a bit of a running gag between Lily and her mates. "I'd go to parties and tell them what had happened as a laughable yarn. One night, my best mate Abbie said, why don't you do it? You're up to weird shit all the time. Do it, be yourself, what's the worst that could happen? She was right to some degree; I was always up to weird shit, but this seemed like a whole new ballpark. Eventually, I said, fuck it."

Lily only thought that she'd be there for one night "push a bitch in the pool and then dip back to Canada in time for the next snow season to start" but three months later she came off the show as the runner up for Zac Franich's season.

"I think I was expecting some wank stain douchebag that would say the right things at the right times, yet Zac was the opposite of that. So genuine. That experience opened my eyes to reality television, and I really owe it all to my bachelor. These shows are simply what you give them. People think that reality television is not real. That the feelings and emotions involved aren't real, but reality TV is as real as you're willing to be as a person," she says. For Lily, when you learn to forget about the cameras and the people standing around watching, everything feels real. "I wouldn't do it if it didn't," Lily says

Being in the public eye and on multiple reality TV shows, Lily has been pushed out of her comfort zone. By saying yes to things she wouldn't have done before, is how she ended up being one half of The Bachelorette New Zealand. But she says for her not a whole lot has changed. "Same bitch, maybe only a little better. It's a weird ride and not where I expected my life to go by any means, but sometimes you just have to pick up your balls and run with them," she says.

In the times that love has fallen into Lily's lap, she didn't expect its entrance. You'd think that this wouldn't be the case seeing as two of her partners have come from TV shows that are supposed to be about 'finding love'. But she says that these shows simply introduce you to a person and the rest is what you make it.

"I think the key is not putting too much pressure on anything. Having too high and precise expectations of every situation can often take the flow away from it. You have to respect the natural structure of things. Love, on or off a TV show, needs room to breathe. The first time I fell in love, it felt rushed. I don't think love has a timeline, it's a feeling, and it's so personal." For Lily, love is time and ease. "It's feeling valued, heard, adored, and respected. It's growth and freedom. It's a feeling of warmth that sits high up in your chest. Love sees past shit tattoos, a bad haircut, tired skin. Love isn't shallow. Some things take time to burrow in deep."

Lily is now spending isolation with her boyfriend Richie Boyens, who won her heart on The Bachelorette New Zealand this year. "When you first spend time with someone new, they can often be on their 'best behaviour', a concept I think is garbage. What I've learnt about Rich off the show is that his great qualities aren't just his 'best behaviour', they are who he is. He made me feel understood, trusted, and supported for exactly the woman that I am."

"He has so many incredible qualities. He has so many terrible qualities. He's so open to showing me all of it – the perfect balance between scumbag and sweetheart. He also cooks a good scrambled egg in the morning." Lily encourages people to not lower their standards when it comes to finding love – even if it feels like you haven't been laid in what feels like nine years.

"If sex is all you're after, go get laid (safely and consensually). If you're after something more, don't let douchebags be douchebags just because you're little thirsty for a big glass of male or female attention. We've all been there but just make sure the juice is worth the squeeze."

Being so heavily in the public eye, you might be surprised to find out that in reality, Lily has always been quite a private person, finding herself in the world of television by mistake. But she has found that the platform was vital for sharing her story about struggles in her life. "I think being able to open up about struggles, show the rough edges and say 'fuck' a few times is healthy."

Sharing her life with strangers was never something she wanted to do, but it wasn't until she opened up about hearing loss that she realised there was a benefit in being open about her private life.

"I found out that I was profoundly hearing impaired when I was about 13 years old. No one really expected it because I was such an outgoing, happy, bleeding knee little shit. It really struck me, finding out that I had some kind of disability. That I was in some way not indestructible, that I had some kind of disadvantage to every other kid around me."

"I believed that if it didn't exist in my head, it didn't exist at all. At that age, I had no idea anyone else my age suffered from such things. There was no one talking about it in the media; in my mind, hearing aids were what old people wore. It wasn't until I opened up about it on social media that I found out that there were so many young people in the same boat I was in, feeling the same things I was feeling. " Since revealing this, she has found it has helped many people comprehend their own struggles and deal with them. Lily opened up about her hearing aids on the Bachelorette and Celebrity Treasure Island, which was something she wanted to do to in order to normalise the disability. "If I can help anyone come to terms with their hearing loss, wear their hearing aids, tell their loved ones, feel less embarrassed, then I feel like my job here is done."

COVID-19 has put a lot of this year's plans for the National Foundation for the Deaf on hold, but Lily hopes that everything will pick up as planned when this is over so that they can keep doing great things for the deaf and hard of hearing community.

A topic of contention that Lily has used her platform to talk about is looking after one's mental health, especially in the presence of toxic masculinity. "Someone I loved suffered from toxic masculinity from a young age. It hindered him from getting the help he needed and lead him to make some pretty heart-wrenching decisions that impacted me from a young age. Whether it be online or on TV, I like to make men feel as though it's more than okay to show emotion and express feeling. The concept of masculine and feminine is just kind of bullshit to me. Feelings are feelings. All humans, male or female, have them and should be able to feel comfortable expressing them."

Lily has big plans for the future. She wants to start a travel company taking small groups of women to places around the world. "I want to break down some of the stigmas around women travelling alone labelled 'unsafe'. I have learnt a lot about who I am due to parts of the world I've seen alone as a woman."

Lily is hoping that her plans can resume as normal after COVID-19, but we know that for this go-getter of a woman, there is no end to the possibilities that lay before her. We are sure she will continue to raise important conversations, and we can't wait to see where this world takes you, Lily.

Follow Lily's journey here

Lily McManus: Love, Life, and the reality of reality TV